day 31: something beautiful.

my something beautiful from today: our friends’/lina’s “brother’s” newborn baby girl’s hand. we’re aunts again. yippee!

good evening, good people.

well, it’s the last night of may 2012, and the birth of a beautiful baby girl into the family has gotten me thinking about beginnings & endings… wow. what a may it has been. i know i’m gonna sound cryptic & mysterious, but you’ll just have to excuse me. i’m not ready to talk about everything that’s happened. but just know that this may has been like no other i’ve ever experienced. it has, in fact, been the hardest time in my life so far, i do believe. and i know that it’s not fair to type out those words here & then not reveal what has happened, but as i said, i just can’t. i’m not ready. but, one day i will be. for now, i’ll leave you hanging. still, i have a few reflections & things i need to say.

yes, may is coming to a close. and i’m so thankful. of course there have been some beautiful moments, and i have tried to reflect them here, with my little photo a day challenge. but, to be honest, i am so ready to move onto june. you know, though, the photo challenge has been really good for me. the past few months have given me a chance to get in the groove of snapping photos every day, figuring out ways to create an image of whatever word i was faced with that day, and getting my creative juices flowing. but, this month, i dare say that the photo challenge saved my sanity. i had something every day forcing me to find something beautiful, creative, and lovely in it. and, you know what? i always did.

you know, it’s amazing. no matter what i am going through – and i say “i”, because i can only speak for myself – i find that, if i put my mind to it, if i let myself think & breathe for just a moment, then i will find something beautiful every day. something to be thankful for. something to soak in. something to touch my soul. something to remind me of the hope that is always there. something to point me in the direction i want to go. something to connect me with my love.

as may comes to a close, i just have a few things to say to you all. life is difficult and so scary that it feels as if you will be lost in a dark hole, never to be found. but, i guarantee that there is something beautiful to be found with the rising of the sun each day (because the sun does rise. every day). and, if you are as lucky as me to have someone to share it with, then hold onto that love. don’t take it for granted, and love like there is no tomorrow. trust yourself to be stronger than you ever imagined. you can & will survive more than you ever thought possible. and, on your way, in the midst of the darkness, slow down just enough to feel all the pain, sadness, & fear… and then, remember that you are not alone. remember that there is a tiny crack providing one sliver of light. and never, ever stop being you.

dear month of may, you have been a challenge (that’s an understatement). but, as i live & breathe in these last few minutes of you, i feel strength & hope because i have survived you. tomorrow is a new day. a new month. a new hope. and even though all the difficulty has not disappeared, maybe it’s become a little less daunting. in any case, i welcome you, june. bring with you sunshine, light, life, hope, and a new beginning. i beg of you. however, no matter what comes my way, i will face it, and i will find myself on the other side, waiting for july to come rushing in, in a mere 30 days. in the meantime, i will continue to click away with my camera… capturing those beautiful moments that pop up randomly and unexpectedly in life. i will continue to allow myself to seek beauty & snap photos… no matter what june brings.

what an amazing gift it is to find art every day, even in the dark.

my photo a day may pictures. something beautiful every day.

yep. count me in. here we go again! you are gonna join me, aren’t you? if not to take pictures, then to come back & check out mine, right?

may beauty follow you everywhere you go. peace.

you will get there.

pic from pinterest.

 you know, sometimes you don’t know which way to go. and sometimes you know exactly which way to go. sometimes you know exactly where you are, and sometimes you feel lost and overwhelmed. sometimes you feel like you’re drowning. sometimes you feel like you’re floating. sometimes things look up, and sometimes things look bleak. sometimes you feel hope. sometimes you feel despair. and sometimes you feel everything all at once.

but, one thing i know for sure. one way or another, life goes on. life gets better. i also know that feeling however we feel is exactly what we need to do. but the one thing that i am the most sure of, is to take life one day at a time, one moment at a time even. soak in those glorious, soul-touching moments and breathe through those scary, painful ones. one day at a time. one breath at a time.

one way or another, we’ll keep moving forward. we’ll keep living life and becoming more & more of who we were created to be.

peace for your journey today, wherever it may take you.

day 30: my personality.

“why am i as i am? to understand that of any person, his whole life, from birth must be reviewed. all of our experiences fuse into our personality. everything that ever happened to us is an ingredient.”  ~ malcolm x

people, this was not easy. i realized today i didn’t have a good grip on what my personality is like… at least from other peoples’ viewpoint. i mean, i know what i think i’m like, but how do i appear to others? what do others really think of me? how do they see me? and even more confusing, how do i take a picture of my personality? what kind of image do i use?

in order to solve this problem, i did what any good married chick would do… i asked my wife: lina, if you could describe my personality in a word or 2 or 3, which ones would you choose? well, she gave me an answer. a beautiful, humbling, wonderful answer. should i list the words here?

loving. caring. patient. listener.

wow.

i wonder, though, what would others say? but, more importantly, what would i say about myself? how do i see myself? and does how i see myself line up with how others see me, or am i living in some fantasy world in my head, thinking that i am one way while i actually appear a completely different way to others? who do i want to be? how do i want to be seen? something to ponder a while…

well, after wondering all day, i finally found some pictures that i decided to use for my image for my personality. i think it’s how i see myself, and i hope that it’s how others see me too, in one way or another.

peaceful. loving. calm. relaxed. independent. introvert.

“the most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. you trade in your reality for a role. you trade in your sense for an act. you give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. there can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. it’s got to happen inside first.” ~ jim morrison

what do you think? how do you see me? how do you see yourself? how would you describe your personality? how would you capture it in an image?

it feels like a night for reflecting & just being. wishing you some moments just to be with yourself. peace.